The Shelf Life of a Woman

womanshelflife

All women have a shelf-life. Here is a summary of the phases before, during, and after it, at least in terms of how date-able they are. This doesn’t necessarily apply if you’re in a LTR or married to the woman, although some aspects of it may show up in those situations.

Age 0-7
This is the infancy of a woman. They learn how to walk, talk, and most importantly, discover they have emotions! The groundwork of their personality is laid out here. If their father has walked out on them, this is when daddy issues will be deeply rooted. If they are sexually abused, this is where their sexual problems will be rooted. When these kinds of things happen in this age range, they will be 100% defective product during the rest of the phases. This defectiveness can also occur during the 8-12 range, but it may not be as apparent.

Age 8-12
This is the “crush” phase. Girls realize they have feelings, especially when it comes to cute boys. They develop crushes, believe in the fantasies they see in Disney movies, and become excited at the prospect of kissing boys. Some of the girls who become defective in this stage will begin kissing boys, and a few will have sex.

Age 13-16
The puberty phase. They start getting their periods, growing breasts, getting pubic hair, and begin experimenting with high school dating. Many lose their virginity in this phase. They will also get their hearts broken and go through extreme emotional fluctuation even though the cause may be insignificant. Some will become pregnant and be forced into early adulthood, speeding up their “maturity”.

Age 17-22
This is the “party” phase. It could also be coined as the “experimentation” phase. They start getting into drinking, drugs, staying out late, having huge groups of friends, and fvcking just for the sake of fun and experimentation. This is the point where a woman may develop deep-rooted addictions. Many will “grow out” of it. More become pregnant than the previous age range. A few may marry.

Age 23-27
This is “The Sweet Spot” or “Prime Shelf Time”, at least with regards to the women who manage to avoid defects, addiction, and pregnancy. This is when a woman is ripe for picking with regards to LTRs. She is most likely done with her party phase, not too jaded against men, still has her looks intact, and also doesn’t fully realize the countdown to her expiry with regards to child-bearing. Many will marry and become mothers in this phase. Some will also get divorced and/or become single parents.

Age 28-35
The “declining shelf-life” phase. Her appearance begins to degrade, her biological clock begins to tick louder, and she becomes more jaded towards men as her impending infertility approaches. Marriage, divorce, and pregnancy are still rampant in this phase.

Age 36-40
The “Last Chance” phase. Looks are rapidly declining or have already deteriorated, the biological clock has become unbearably loud, and many women in this phase will become extremely bitter about men. The women who focused on their career instead of finding a mate during all the other phases may be lower-mileage sexually, but will have high expectations when it comes to the men they date, even though their prime shelf life is pretty much over. Childless women will be desperate to fulfil their need to have a baby before the biological clock runs out. Many marriages end, divorce is high, and there are many single mothers in this range.

Age 41+
Expiry. Menopause begins to kick in. A few will manage to get pregnant, but will likely be single mothers for the next 15-20 years. Bitterness towards men will cause many women to become “born again virgins” for the rest of their lives. Many “cat ladies” evolve during expiry. Divorce continues, and many single mothers will continue to date but never commit to a man. Some may find a partner to share their lives with, but it will mostly be to avoid “dying alone”. When couples form during this “dying alone” scare, they begin to put up with all the defects of their partner and settle for “good enough”.

Advertisements

One thought on “The Shelf Life of a Woman

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s