Rollo Tomassi recently made a post over at his blog, tackling the topic of women having “one-itis” (in other words, a woman who would appears hopelessly obsessed with a man). While Rollo believes that this is an impossibility for women, I on the other hand believe that it can certainly happen, but the circumstances causing it are quite different than those which cause a man to have it.
Men get this condition quite frequently. They fall for a woman who’s physically appealing and likely has a stellar personality. It’s not difficult for a man to become easily attracted to women like this, and some of them will fall hopelessly “in love” with them for years. Allow me to clarify that this is not actually “love”, but infatuation. Love is a two-way street; an emotional and committed interaction between two people for a significant period of time. Notice that I didn’t say it conquers all and is everlasting, because love is neither.
Women’s attraction toward men works differently. A woman will become interested in a man who causes her emotions to fluctuate as opposed to him keeping her happy. This is a man’s first mistake with their girlfriends – to keep her ultimately happy. Men are content when they experience happiness with their women, and they believe that women function the same way. Not true.
In order for a male to keep a woman’s attention, he must keep her somewhat frustrated with him. Frustration gets a woman’s mind racing about him. A man dominates a woman’s mind when she’s constantly thinking about him. He cannot dominate her mind when she’s content with him. Have you ever noticed that we can remember bad experiences more vividly than positive ones? That’s sort of how a woman’s attraction works, but on a more obsessive level. She analyzes his personality, his actions, his body language and his voice tone, trying to come up with explanations of why he behaves in a certain fashion. She will come up with conclusions, only to have him fuck them up and she returns back to square one, analyzing his behaviour all over again.
That is how attraction works for women. It all stems from her frustration with regards to his behaviour. When a man manages to get stuck in a woman’s mind, she can be defined as highly attracted to him. However, it’s not really the frustration itself, it’s the emotional fluctuation that she goes through trying to analyze his behaviour.
“One True Love” and “Soulmates”
These are terms that apply to women only, but they do not have the logical implications that they carry (which are convincingly enforced by romantic Disney fluff). Men may be the true romantics, but their deepest attraction for a woman most often occurs in the present-time. Men have an easier time moving on from the person they lost their virginity to and/or the first woman they had a serious relationship with. Women on the other hand will get anchored to these early encounters.
Women appear to have a sub-conscious ranking system for men which works much like the high score list in a video game. The men who make a significant impact on her will move up to the top of the list, while other subsequent encounters will bounce up and down at the bottom of the list, constantly getting displaced by new encounters. The men who have the highest scores on the list are the ex-boyfriends she will likely return to if given the chance. These are the only men who could qualify as a woman’s “one true love” or “soulmate”. They are unforgettable, and they conjure up very memorable moments, both good and bad.
Examples in My Life
I am the product of a second marriage by each of my parents. One thing that baffled me while growing up is how much my mother reminisced about her ex-husband, and still does to this day. She would talk about how they would fight, how they yelled at each other, how much he drank, but would also fondly recall some of the exciting and hilarious stuff he used to do. Back then, I thought that recalling these memories was pointless. Why couldn’t my mother move on? Why was she stuck recalling these experiences when she was now re-married and invested with my father? The answer is exactly what I mentioned above: The ex-boyfriend high score list. It’s not my father who tops the high score list, it’s my mother’s now-deceased first husband. That’s not to say my dad isn’t high on the list, but he’s not sitting at number one.
My next examples are two women I’ve dated. Usually, women become obsessed with men who use them and toss them away. While there may be women in my past who fall into this category, the two examples I have are the opposite; These women broke up with ME.
The first example is the first woman I was engaged to. This is the woman I lost my virginity to, and have since moved on from her. Or at least I’d like to move on from her, but she continues to pop up in my life and pursue me.
I was her second encounter; she was 15 and I was 18. Her first boyfriend was a jerk who treated her like garbage, and I was always hearing about the guy. Her high score list was quite bare at the time, and her first boyfriend obviously had a higher score than me. We dated for two months, and then she ended things. she dated a couple of other guys, but asked me back out 9 months later. I played hard to get, but eventually accepted. We stayed together for 4 years, during which we moved in together along with me putting an engagement ring on her finger.
During the relationship, I succumbed to my old ways, became needy and obsessed with providing her with 100% happiness. These are unattractive traits for men to have, and she eventually ended the relationship. My goal from that point was to move on with my life and never return to her. She contacted me a couple of times regarding things I had that she wanted returned, but I never returned her calls and decided to just mail everything to her. I remained in contact with her sisters who had no problem setting me up with their female friends, all of which whom turned into successful short term relationships. It was during this time that I began my transformation into a Don Juan or “Red Pill Man” if you will. I vowed to never succumb to the ways of being a needy, unconfident, desperate man, and instead worked on improving my self-esteem and amplifying my good qualities. All the effort paid off, but that’s for another post.
A year after we broke up, she made an attempt to get back together with me. I agreed to meet up with her at a bar. During the entire night, I ignored her and flirted with every other woman in the venue, even going as far as getting a girl’s number while standing a few feet away from my ex.
Shortly after, I met the woman who would become my ex-wife and would occupy the next 8 years of my life. Guess who contacted me days after I ended my marriage? Yup, and she wanted to get together. I met up with her once, but decided against pursuing her upon discovery that she had gone back to her first boyfriend, and had a child with him.
Since I didn’t pursue, she ended up moving in with an alcoholic man for 3 years. When the relationship was obviously on the rocks, she began pursuing me AGAIN. Eventually, she decided to go back to the alcoholic for one more year. After it was finished for good, she contacts me YET AGAIN to pursue. We hung out a few times, and I eventually pissed her off by pursuing a relationship with a woman 9 years younger than her. Now that I’m out of that relationship, guess who’s coming around again? Yup, you guessed it.
One thing I’ve realized about the high score list is that the men at the top can still earn points, and even conquer the other hi-scorers. If I’m not currently at the top of my ex’s list, then I’m pretty damn close. I now realize that I’ve been high up on her score list for over a decade.
My next example has a much different dynamic to the breakup.
I dated a woman who was in her early 20s, and was very obviously low-mileage with regards to relationships and sex. Her high score list consisted of one boy she dated a few times who lived in a different city. The rest of her encounters were all low score men who fell off the list quickly. Then on one fateful night, she met me. We stayed together and had a very enjoyable relationship for well over a year. With me being educated in how a woman’s attraction works, I kept her emotions fluctuating, enjoyed some fantastic dates with her, and gave her the best sex she could ever ask for.
So what was the cause of the breakup? Her friends and family were all telling her I was wrong for her, mainly due to my age. I found myself fighting an uphill battle that I had no hope of winning, and she finally gave in to the mob mentality; I was too old for her and she deserved someone better (notice how this “better man” can be completely absent and adheres to a fairytale mindset). She also had an opportunity for an encounter with the out-of-town high-scorer on her list. What happened during that encounter is beyond me.
Years have passed since we parted, and where is she now? She hasn’t had a significant relationship with a man since we broke up, and is now unable to find that “better man” who can climb up the high score list and conquer the others. It’s very possible that she will eventually pursue me again, but the best way for a spark to ignite the flame again is if we run into each other in a public location. Texting or emailing would have a minimal effect in comparison to the body language, facial expressions, and voice tone which will dig up the emotions that she’s tucked away in order to find her currently non-existent “better man”.
As a side note, a woman’s female friends (which includes family) will NEVER tell a woman to break up with a nice guy who causes little emotional fluctuation. A woman’s friends will nag her to break up with the guy who disrupts her emotions like a cat in a pail of water. The reason for this isn’t because the guy’s an asshole, it’s because women are EXTREMELY competitive and her friends are also subconsciously finding themselves attractive to him. Not only is the man’s girlfriend analyzing his behaviour, her girl friends are ALSO analyzing it. He has unknowingly entered the minds of multiple women who are now subconsciously and indirectly competing for him. He now becomes a significant topic of conversation within a woman’s social circle, where they collectively analyze the man’s behaviour.
After the break up, the man will find that his ex’s friends who advised her to break up with him are extremely kind and friendly to him. This is because they are now attracted to him via their over-analysis of him, which in turn caused him to dominate their minds. Discussing someone’s boyfriend feeds a woman’s “need for drama”, and drama is a source of emotional fluctuation. Much of a woman’s behaviour and appeal for certain things can be sourced to emotional fluctuation. In contrast, a woman will abandon things that cause her to experience emotional stagnancy.
Summary: Women certainly do get one-itis, but it happens more at a sub-conscious level and is most likely to consist of men from her earliest dating encounters. The more significant the experience and the more emotional fluctuation he caused, the more he’s going to live inside the caverns of her mind.