Before I post my next entry on what men should and shouldn’t do to attract a woman, I’ve decided to get a bit personal. I have an issue that needs to be taken care of, and I’m going to do it here. I have one-itis for an ex-girlfriend. It’s been haunting me for well over a year, burdening me down, using up my emotional energy, and holding me back from progressing with my romantic life. (It however hasn’t held back my sex life)
Although I’ve stated that men are primarily attracted to women in their immediate vicinity, the thoughts and feelings for an ex can linger on well past their welcome. We’re all human, we all have emotions, and we all enjoy pair-bonding. It’s only natural for things to hurt for a while after a relationship ends. I’ve been the victim of this, and I have reserved tonight to get her out of my system and move on with my life. I’m currently going through a life phase where I’m tying up loose ends, and this is one that I need to get taken care of.
So what am I going to do? I’m going to write her a letter. I’m not going to send it to her, but I need to give a speech to the memory of her, and conclude this chapter of my life for good. Sending it to her is pointless since we’ve been without contact for a long time, and breaking contact has the potential to drag out the memories, the feelings, and postpone the ultimate ending. I’ve told myself that she is no longer worth my energy. If she was worth the energy, she would have returned by now.
After I’ve posted this, I’m going to pour myself a glass of cognac, play a song that reminds me of her, look at her picture one last time, and then abandon it all.
Here’s my letter…
To my dear former companion,
I’ve been thinking of you consistently since you ended the relationship. It’s been occupying my mind heavily and I’ve grown tired of missing you. I’ve grown tired of waiting for the possibility that you’ll contact me again, just like almost all of my ex-girlfriends have done at some point. The problem I have is that we were actually a good match for each other. I’ve never felt so connected emotionally, intuitively, mentally, physically, and sexually to anybody in my life. It’s difficult to let go of such a deep level of connectivity, one that has deeply rooted itself in my brain over such a lengthy span of time.
But here we are today. The flourishing tree has been cut down and discarded. The roots have been left behind, absorbing energy to feed a now lost purpose. It is now time for me to uproot the remainder of my memories of you, throw them aside to be forgotten, and allow nature to rot them out of existence.
You did contact me a couple of times after we had split up. I’m not sure of your purpose, but I did not respond. I was not in the right frame of mind to deal with you. I had mixed emotions about you. I was missing you, sad about the loss of you, and down right fucking angry at you for what you’ve done. I firmly believed that you deserved the consequence of your actions; to wander into the wilderness of boring men, desperate sexual perverts, and the complete absence of a real man within miles of your current position.
While we were together, I made the best of efforts to provide you with the man you required; one that holds enough confidence for the both of us, one that would never bore you, one that would give you great sexual pleasure, and one that was worth missing while absent. I did not shower you with gifts and compliments, but showered you with what your womanly needs asked for. Few men today hold that kind of commitment, and you were very lucky to experience it. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, you decided to eliminate what is likely to be the greatest pair-bonding experience you will ever have. A man who knows how to fulfil the true needs of a woman without the typical side effects of a flawed personality is a gem. I’m certain someone will truly appreciate what you’ve tossed away. After I’m finished writing this letter, I will certainly be placing myself in the path of many women who will fiercely fight each other for your discarded gem.
You had your own flaws, but I always looked past them. You didn’t have a flaw large enough to distract me from all the good I saw in you. You had a stellar sense of humour, a genuine kindness in your soul, the embodiment of a feminine creature, a killer smile, a tender touch, and a body I could caress, stroke, and enjoy for weeks at a time. We had an incredible mutual attraction: a woman seeing a masculine creature, a man seeing a feminine creature, and a common interest in things of this world that we could discuss until our brains would force us to sleep.
What a shame. What a shame to throw it away. What a shame to kill the growth. What a shame to give in to what others though of us; others who had absolutely no business to judge when they couldn’t keep their own shit together. But you’re the one who gave in. My ideal mate would not have given in. My ideal mate would have stuck by me during difficult times and give back just a little bit of the confidence and support which I had always consistently given to them.
You failed that part. You are not my ideal mate. You are no longer worthy of my energy, my attention, my thoughts, my dedication, my love, nor my ability to fulfil your needs. You fucked up, and I only hope that you can cope with losing the strong, loving and dedicated man who would have never given up on you.
Sending my heartfelt goodbye through the mail without a return address,
“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”
― Sylvia Plath